Well, I haven't been on in a few day-on here that is! I have thought about it but then changed my mind. Not sure why. Anywho, the packers have come and taken my stuff to go on the boat bound for Texas! Hard to believe that it is that time. We have been here since Jan. 2005! I would be kidding if I didn't say I am ready to go back to the mainland but I am also scared to death. Since no one reads this yet and even if they do I feel the need to get it out for my benefit. When we came in 2005-we did so right after my mom passed away. Actually, she died the night before our flight. Talk about stressful. We were flying out of Mississippi and she was in Ohio. So, we made arrangements and drove the 12/14 hour drive in clown car. The kids were great about the whole thing. Me not so much! I don't remember the drive and I drove about half of it. The only thing I remember stopping for gas and chocolate milk. So, why am I scared-many reasons. One my mom is gone! Every time we PCS(move for you non-military types) I go "home" and well that is gone. I can still go but it has changed and I don't think I am ready for any of it nor do I want to be. I know I have to go but I want to be a like a 2 year old-kicking and screaming the whole way. When my mom passed we couldn't put her in the ground because it was winter in Ohio and it was bad: rainy/snowy and wet. The ground was not suitable so I didn't get to see it to the end. Morbid it sounds but I needed to see her final resting place. So, I need to go home and deal with all of that. Then there is my dad-he is re-married. His wife e-mails me and I am trying to "do the right" thing but it is hard and I have to ask God for lots of help. I have lots of "issues" with it but will save that for later. Then there is my sister Mary-what can I say. A whole lot of nothing nice so I will leave that. She is angry & bitter and I think she is heading down a road that she may not comeback from but what can I do? I will just pray for her. Then there is my favorite aunt-Aunt Linda. Honestly, these past 3 years if it wasn't for her I would truly be on my own as far as the "family" goes. Aunt Linda has helped me with all of my emotions and has loved me-because of me. So, this is why I am kind of dreading going back. I am sad, angry, happy and excited and that is all so tiring. All that I can do is keep praying-my faith is getting stronger and the good Lord knows that I am a "hot mess" but He loves me and will only give me what I can handle!
OK-I guess I should stop now this is long and I am going to use my asthma inhaler and call it a day!