Thursday, April 24, 2008

hmmm-this is going to be long

Well, I haven't been on in a few day-on here that is! I have thought about it but then changed my mind. Not sure why. Anywho, the packers have come and taken my stuff to go on the boat bound for Texas! Hard to believe that it is that time. We have been here since Jan. 2005! I would be kidding if I didn't say I am ready to go back to the mainland but I am also scared to death. Since no one reads this yet and even if they do I feel the need to get it out for my benefit. When we came in 2005-we did so right after my mom passed away. Actually, she died the night before our flight. Talk about stressful. We were flying out of Mississippi and she was in Ohio. So, we made arrangements and drove the 12/14 hour drive in clown car. The kids were great about the whole thing. Me not so much! I don't remember the drive and I drove about half of it. The only thing I remember stopping for gas and chocolate milk. So, why am I scared-many reasons. One my mom is gone! Every time we PCS(move for you non-military types) I go "home" and well that is gone. I can still go but it has changed and I don't think I am ready for any of it nor do I want to be. I know I have to go but I want to be a like a 2 year old-kicking and screaming the whole way. When my mom passed we couldn't put her in the ground because it was winter in Ohio and it was bad: rainy/snowy and wet. The ground was not suitable so I didn't get to see it to the end. Morbid it sounds but I needed to see her final resting place. So, I need to go home and deal with all of that. Then there is my dad-he is re-married. His wife e-mails me and I am trying to "do the right" thing but it is hard and I have to ask God for lots of help. I have lots of "issues" with it but will save that for later. Then there is my sister Mary-what can I say. A whole lot of nothing nice so I will leave that. She is angry & bitter and I think she is heading down a road that she may not comeback from but what can I do? I will just pray for her. Then there is my favorite aunt-Aunt Linda. Honestly, these past 3 years if it wasn't for her I would truly be on my own as far as the "family" goes. Aunt Linda has helped me with all of my emotions and has loved me-because of me. So, this is why I am kind of dreading going back. I am sad, angry, happy and excited and that is all so tiring. All that I can do is keep praying-my faith is getting stronger and the good Lord knows that I am a "hot mess" but He loves me and will only give me what I can handle!
OK-I guess I should stop now this is long and I am going to use my asthma inhaler and call it a day!


Lynn said...

Hi Bobby-Jo

I just wanted to cry for you.... But, I "get" you so much.

My family is dysfunction in action. I have been dissapointed, hurt, etc.... etc.

It has been only Jesus who will never let me down. His transforming love changed my hurt and bitterness to forgiveness. An abosulte miracle.

BJ, this is a new season for you. What wonders fromt he Lord await. I know it is something good.

Rest in His arms. Loved visiting you.

PS. Not sure where my friend purchased the band T-shirt. I bet you could find it online.

Have a blessed day my friend, Lynn

Jenny said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog and visiting with me!

My Nanny died two days after I moved from Georgia to Mass. I left Chad and the girls up there as we didn't really have the money for 5 tickets. It was really hard, I loved Nanny lots!

My Papa very quickly (about 6 months later) married Wilma. That was Very hard. In fact I only went to visit them 3 times in about 7 years. One time I cried the whole time, that was my Nanny's house and why was she there?? I don't know exactly why I had so much trouble with the whole thing but I really did. Papa died last year.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I understand some of what you are feeling and will be praying for you!

Thank you again for visiting and I hope you come back again!


Blog Archive