Monday, January 4, 2010

Looking back while moving forward

Isn't that what we all do sometimes? We are stuck looking back all the while moving ahead. Or am I the only one?! Who knows. While I have taken a break from blogging and living life I kept praying for some sort of sign of where I am suppose to be going/doing/living and truth be told I still don't have a 100% answer except right where I am at is where I am suppose to be. How is that for a great and not so great answer? I thought so. I know that I may not be making sense to some or maybe none but it makes perfect sense to me. And I guess that is how it is. Some questions have been running in my head and I am trying not to give to much thought about them for the simple fact I will worry and well I am not suppose to. I am working on turning it ALL over to God and let me tell you-a lot and I do mean A LOT of the time I am doing it while kicking & screaming. lol I don't want to sound all flippant about it but I am keeping it real which is another thing that has been on my heart. So, if you are keeping track or not I am. I have a few things in no particular order that I feel God is trying to lead me to.
1. Worry
2. Where the heck am I going
3. Praying
4. Purpose
5. Peaceful
6. Real
7. Forgiveness-this one is probably the one that is giving me the most trouble. Again just keeping in real-I struggle with this one!
I know that God is working it all out without me interfering but jeez hello........ this just seems like a great deal of stuff but I am confident when it is all said and done will make sense and even if it doesn't there will be a lesson learned.

Lastly, sorry this is long-I am also going to strive to post something every day. I want my blog to be somewhere I can put stuff out even if it makes no sense to anyone but me. I want to be silly and post well whatever I want.

Ps. Sorry one more thing-yesterday marked the 5th anniversary of my mom's passing. I would like to say it was an easy day but it wasn't. I was in pain from my back and I think that helped with missing my mom and stuff and even while in pain I realized she is in a better place(I hope-that is a whole other post for some other day) and I will get past it somewhat.

Thanks for reading! :)

3 comments:

Pamela said...

As much as we know those who are no longer with us are in a better place, I don't think the hurt ever goes away. Is it God's way of tugging at our heartstrings and making us pause to have a special memory? I lost my Mum six years ago and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her but it's usually in happy, funny ways like "Mum would have loved this...or said this...or asked about this". It's only when the anniversary of her passing comes around that I am sad, introverted and really reflective. God brings people into our lives and us into theirs, and He takes them back to Him, but he never really takes them away from us.

Sending you a hug,
Pamela

P. S. You changed your blog template for the New Year! I really like it.

Conny said...

(((((((((((((BJ
))))))))))

I like your new template too! :)

De'Etta @ Choosing Joy said...

(((BJ))

I saved your post to comment on one part - forgiveness. I know you KNOW this and I knew it too....forgiveness hurting us more than the one we've not forgiven...but I recently heard an illustration that made it click for me....forgiving someone doesn't absolve them of wrong or their sin (only God can do that)....forgiveness is me "selling the debt to another bank" in the mortgage terms. The debt is still owed...but to a new bank. I can let it go, sell the debt to God and trust that He'll take care of it.....they'll either repent and experince the same grace I do....or they'll eventually pay the debt to Him. Anyway - that thought has helped me a lot.

Love you.

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